Saturday, March 14, 2020

7 tips for dealing with a psycho boss

7 tips for dealing with a psycho baboEven the best anfhrer can seem like a tyrant sometimes. But did you know that some bosses are actually psychopaths? According to an Australian study, 1 out of 5 corporate executives exhibited clinically psychopathic traits. (For reference, the rate of psychopaths, in general, is 1 out of every 100 people.) Whether your difficult boss is psychotically inclined or not, here are 7 strategies you can use to deflate potential schwimmbad boss situations. googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(div-gpt-ad-1467144145037-0) ) 1. Determine what youre dealing with.Is your boss just having a bad day, or is he like this all the time? Is she dealing with other factors (pressure from above, employees flaking out, etc.) that are making her be extra hard on you? Or are you being too hard on her? Think about what may be causing the behavior. It might not justify it, or make the behavior any more pleasant to deal with, but everyone has a bad day. Its import ant to consider whether this is truly your bosss default way of working, or if its just a one-off problem.2. Get everything in writing.If your boss is a chaos-producer by asking for something, then claiming later that you were asked for something entirely different, its your word against theirs. Write down what you canfor example, if you were given verbal instructions, confirm in a quick email just so everyone has a written record of what was discussed/asked.3. Stop and take a breath.If youre having a conflict with your boss, jumping right in with a heated reaction could be something youll regret later. Take a minute, breathe, and think about your reaction. Again, thinking about the why behind your bosss behavior can also help prevent you from reacting from a place of pure stress.4. Know and avoid the triggers.Does your boss always fly off the handle when someone is late? Be extra mindful of your arrival time. Rant about typos in an email? Proofread twice before you hit send. If the res a pattern to Angry Bosss behavior, its definitely in your best interest to know what that pattern is and learn how to counteract those triggers before they happen.5. Use communication strategies.This is a common therapeutic method for improving communication. Use active listening by repeating back what was said, and asking for clarification if necessary. Many conflicts are due to people not feeling listened to or understood, so if your boss thinks youre not listening, it can escalate a conflict.6. Dont let it derail you.You have a job to do, and if you let a toxic relationship with your boss affect your work and your behavior, thats not going to help you. Try not to take it personally or let it affect the quality of your work. If you find yourself blowing things off out of frustration with your boss, that can make your professional rep suffer.7. Escalate if necessary.If your company has ways to confidentially air your concerns to HR (or a similar employee resource) and you feel like things are reaching a breaking point, consider taking your issues to them. If you dread going to work every day because of the misery that awaits you for the next eight hours, thats not a situation thats good for you or your companyconsider finding an internal (and neutral) way to bring up the situation.Weve all had a toxic boss at some point in our careers. Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes you just have to move on. Either way, dont let it ruin your professional life in the meantime.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Self-Care Activities That Are Actually Affordable

Self-Care Activities That Are Actually Affordable Ill bet that this is bedrngnis the first article youve read about the importance of self care. Just in case it is, Ill repeat the standard spiel (but Ill keep it snappy). Engaging in self-care is psychology speak for, Making time in your life for doing stuff you enjoy. Therbeies solid research evidence that people who engage in mora self care activities feel happier and experience less stress, contributing beneficially to their mental health. They also tend to have better physical health, including lower blood pressure and weight. People who feel relaxed at the end of the weekend even perform better at work the next week.Now that Ive told you everything you already knew about self-care and self care activities, Im going to confess something. Making time for leisure activities is a struggle for me. I have a full-time job and a toddler, so some days I dont even sit still until 930 PM. Self-care has also gotten a lot mora expensive since my son welches born (Babysitters are not cheap). Yet, even though finding time for myself is challenging, its necessary. Without some kind of regularly scheduled relaxation in my life, Im a frazzled mess. This means that I have had to become more creative about my self-care management and the kinds of self-care activities I do.Below is a list of 10 self-care activities and that I find actually affordable, both in terms of time and money. Not every activity on this list is for everyone, but I hope youll find at least one worth trying. fruchtwein importantly, I hope you have fun experimenting with embracing new behaviors and finding more time for relaxation in your life1. WalkWalking is a fantastic self-care activity for many reasons. It requires no special equipment (although I do love it when my Fitbit departures buzzing at the 12,000 step mark). You can walk almost anywhere, and, now that its spring, the scenery can be quite enjoyable. Its also a much cheaper way to spend time wit h friends than brunch or drinks.The best part is that walking is one of the easiest types of exercise and has enormous health and emotional benefits. Just one, fast-paced, 30 minute walk a day can help you lose weight and lower your blood pressure. Walking can even help reduce symptoms of depression. My daily walk at lunch clears my head and helps me focus during the second half of the workday. I also love walking with my little guy to the park on Saturday mornings. Our pit stop for croissants on the way is an added bonus.2. Practice MindfulnessI first started practicing mindfulness when I was working as a clinical psychologist. At that time, I was getting trained in dialectical behavior therapy. One of the training program requirements is to develop a regular mindfulness practice. To be frank, its unlikely I would have taken up mindfulness if it hadnt been a condition of my employment. However, I learned that mindfulness can be both a very practical and very beneficial addition to your personal care repetoire.I had always imagined that practicing mindfulness meant contorting myself awkwardly in yoga class or going to a silent retreat. These are absolutely legitimate ways of practicing mindfulness but a very poor fit for my talkative and uncoordinated self. I was relieved to learn that practicing mindfulness for a few minutes daily has mental health, physical health, and even work payoffs.I was also excited to learn that there are literally thousands of ways to practice mindfulness. The most basic mindfulness exercise is to simply observe your breathing for a few minutes. If like me, this is something you are not used to doing, there are free apps to help. Two of my favorites are Stop, Breathe Think and Calm. If it feels too ironic to use your phone to unplug, Ill recommend two books on this topic Mindfulness for Beginnersby Jon Kabat-Zinn and Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg. Both are accessible, readable, and written by world-renowned experts in this field .3. ReadReading has been my favorite self-care activity since I was four. It always saddens me when friends or co-workers tell me they hate reading or no longer have time for it. My sense is that most people dislike reading for two reasons. First, they mistakenly believe that all reading has to be as painful as it was in ninth grade English class. Second, no one ever taught them to find books they actually enjoy. If either of those applies to you, this article has some tips on how to make reading a fun activity. Trust me when I say its worth the effortIf youre ready to start (or continue) reading as one of your self-care behaviors, I highly recommend using your local library. Not only will you save money, but you will be supporting a community resource that provides books for everyoneall while contributing to your own personal care. Libraries are also a great place to meet other bookworms and participate in local groups and events.4. Spend Time with Your PetsI have two rescue chihua huas (Starsky and Hutch) who can occasionally induce more stress than relieve it. They can also be expensive (I have the $250 vet emergency bill to prove it). However, research and my personal experience continue to demonstrate the multiple health and emotional benefits of having pets.If you already have pets, spending time with them wont cost extra money and doesnt have to take much time taking care of them is just one of your routine activities of daily living. In fact, I am rubbing Hutchs belly while writing this blog. Starsky is snuggling my knee. With the exception of Hutch, who cowers whenever he sees his leash, most dogs will also encourage you to walk. Its like two-for-one self careHaving a pet is not a realistic option for everyone. However, there are ways to get animal companionship without having one in your home. There is a 100% chance that your local humane society or animal shelter could use extra volunteers. This gives you a chance to help animals in need, meet other animal lovers, and get fur kisses.5. Get CraftyCrafts are not just for kids, although they can be a fun self-care activity to do with them. Ive recently been experimenting with making homemade play dough, which my toddler promptly tries to feed to our dogs. We have also tried playing with crayons. Unfortunately, he is more interested in throwing them at the walls than in coloring with them.If you also have an uncooperative toddler (or no kids at all), there are many adult crafts to try. You dont even have to make Etsy-quality artwork to reap the benefits of being creative. A great activity for craft beginners is coloring. This is another two-for-one self-care activity because it doubles as mindfulness. Just like other forms of mindfulness, mindful coloring has some well-documented emotional and health benefits and can easily fit into daily living routine.6. BakeBaking makes your house smell amazing and provides you with something yummy to eat. Baked goods also make personalized and very affordable gifts. There are now so many healthy recipes on the web that you can even bake things that are reasonably nutritious. Of course, adding self-care to your life is about occasionally splurging, so making a batch of chocolate-chip cookies is also completely acceptable.At my house, baking doubles as meal prep. On Sundays, Ill make a quiche or batch of muffins that then becomes my breakfast for the week. That way, I start Monday morning with a warm, delicious treat at my desk (and jealous glances from my co-workers). My toddler is also less likely to fling the zucchini on the floor if it has been baked into a muffin. For the parenting win7. Play Board GamesThis is another self-care activity that is not just for kids, although you can certainly include them in many board games. In the last decade, the board game industry has exploded, and there is a large market for adult board games. If you and your friends are tired of the brunch/coffee/drinks routine, board games can be a fun alternative for the next time you want to get together. Regularly playing board games has plenty of other benefits as well it may even prevent dementia.If youre open to trying this self-care activity but dont know where to start, check out TableTop. This is a YouTube show where Wil Wheaton (of Wesley Crusher fame) plays board games with other celebrities. The episodes are pretty funny, and you will get some great ideas for different games to play, as well as directions for how to play them).8. Get MusicalListening to music is another self-care activity with multiple physical and mental health benefits. It is also completely free and can be done in the middle of other activities and obligations. Want an added self-care boost? Try singing along to your favorite tunes. I promise you can still reap the benefits, even if youre off-key. I have also found that singing makes diaper changes and car rides significantly less painful experiences.9. JournalDeveloping a regular journaling practice can help people get through difficult life transitions, increase happiness, and even improve immune functioning. Many people start experiencing the benefits of journaling after trying it for just 15 minutes for three days.James W. Pennebaker is the professor who has pioneered much of the work on the benefits of journaling. Here is what to do if you want to try his journaling method. First, pick an event to write about. This should generally be an incident that was difficult for you and had a significant emotional impact on you. Second, write down all your thoughts and feelings about this emotionally-impactful event. Dont hold back and do not stop writing, even if you get stuck. Just write, Im stuck over and over until a new thought comes to you. Third, make sure to focus on what this event means to you. How has the event impacted your life, relationships, and values? Fourth, dont worry if your writing is good or grammatical its not for anyone else to read or judgeits just f or you.If this method sounds too intense for you, there are phone app.10. VolunteerIt may seem paradoxical, but its true helping others can be an excellent way of helping yourself, too. Volunteering can be a fun way to get out of the house and meet people with similar interests, values, and beliefs. Volunteering can also remind you that, as bad as things are for you at a given time, someone may be having an even harder time. This, of course, builds gratitude for your own experiences, along with all the attendant health benefits I discussed in the previous sections. The best part of volunteering is you get to go home feeling like you made the world a better place and helped many individuals as well. There are very few ways for you to top that kind of mood boost.There are literally thousands of ways to volunteer your time and countless organizations that would like your help Your local food bank, hospital, humane society, and library are great places to start. You can also research op portunities to volunteer online. Many communities have databases of local volunteering opportunities and resources for identifying places that host volunteers and would benefit from your help.Now that you have finished reading about self-care activities and opportunities, I challenge you to find 15 extra minutes this week for some personal self care. Now you have plenty of new ideas that wont break the bank and are actually fun to do.______________________________________________________________________________________Rebecca Fraynt has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and is an all-around healthcare nerd. She lives near Seattle with her husband, toddler, and two rescue chihuahuas. When shes not working or chasing her dogs or child around the house, shes guzzling coffee, reading, or binge watching Star Trek.______________________________________________________________________________________Rebecca Fraynt has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and is an all-around healthcare nerd. She lives near Seattle with her husband, toddler, and two rescue chihuahuas. When shes not working or chasing her dogs or child around the house, shes guzzling coffee, reading, or binge watching Star Trek.